


For All The Things I Didn't Say

by kawaiisumi



Category: Free!
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Non-Explicit Sexual Content, Nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:41:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25131823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kawaiisumi/pseuds/kawaiisumi
Summary: A tiny part of Haru’s bravery simmers in the center of his chest – or maybe it’s just the absolute insanity of being in love. Regardless, Haru finally thinks to himself,fuck it, I’m going to get what I want.Aka, even soul mates need to say what they're thinking.Written for the Nanase Haruka Birthday Exchange 2020.
Relationships: Nanase Haruka/Tachibana Makoto
Comments: 6
Kudos: 74
Collections: Nanase Haruka Birthday Exchange 2020





	For All The Things I Didn't Say

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CallyCally](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallyCally/gifts).



> Slowly sliding in at the last possible moment to publish my fic for the Nanase Haruka Gift Exchange! My giftee this year is Cally, who loves MakoHaru, established relationships, and a little bit of hurt/comfort.
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this fic, since I love the MakoHaru dynamic, and it's been a while since I've written a fic that was dedicated solely to their relationship and how it plays out.
> 
> I think it was really interesting to gain some insight on how both of them feel in their relationship and how important it is to be honest in a relationship, even when it feels like you know everything the other person is thinking.

**For All the Things I Didn’t Say  
** Aka, even soul mates need to say what they’re thinking.

It wasn’t like Haru to admit when he had made a mistake. And it wasn’t like Makoto to not pay attention to him. And yet, Haru found himself sitting on the couch, pillow tucked under his chin, finding these two things to be… unfortunately true.

He set down his phone, trying (and failing) to pass time by idly scrolling past social media. But there were only so many pictures of cats and mackerel dishes he could look at before he thought his brain might start melting out of his ears.

“Ah… I don’t know if Daisy’s house will look good here, what do you think Haru-chan?” Makoto says. He says Haru’s name, but Haru knows he could have left the room and Makoto wouldn’t even have noticed.

“Looks fine,” Haru replies, wiggling his foot underneath Makoto. Makoto turns to look at him, the furrow unfolding from his brows over the top of his beat-up glasses (which he should definitely replace).

“Do you need something Haru-chan?” Makoto asks.

_Yes, I need your attention for more than 3 seconds_ , Haru thinks to himself, but is too stubborn to say. “No,” He says instead. “I think Daisy’s house will look good there. She’s near the beach.”

Makoto’s eyes light up, “It’s just like you to think about those kinds of things.” He smiles fondly, eyes turning back to the screen. “Are you sure you don’t want to play?”

_No, I think it’d be more fun to play with you… if you know what I mean,_ Haru says, again in his head. Though, his tongue falls silent. “… I like watching,” Haru shrugs. He gets up from the couch, “Gonna take a bath and get ready for bed.”

“Okay, have fun,” Makoto says, tilting his head up for a kiss. The sardonic part of Haru wants to roll his eyes for how domestic that is, but the fluffy romantic part of him preens happily. He kisses Makoto’s forehead, crossing by the TV on the way out of the living room and into the hallway toward the bathroom.

With the door shut behind him, Haru breathes a heavy sigh. For Makoto’s birthday, Haru bought what he thought was the perfect gift for a boyfriend like Makoto – the Animal Crossing Nintendo Switch. It was all the things Makoto was; soft, pastel, and undeniably cute. Haru remembered the swelling elatedness in his chest when Makoto opened the gift. He had such a big smile on his face. If he had the chance to do it again, Haru would.

Though, with Makoto’s gift came some unforeseen… problems. Well, they wouldn’t be problems if Haru could just _open his damn mouth and say something._ Makoto, bless his heart, treated his Animal Crossing villagers like they were real. When his first villager asked to move away, Haru came home to Makoto crying on the couch, setting up a goodbye party outside his villager’s house.

Makoto just loved that game so much. Almost as much as he loved Haru… probably. Haru sighed, climbing into the tub to soak. He always thought best in the bath. Maybe he could finally think of a way to get over his own damn pride and ask Makoto to pay more attention to him.

It wasn’t that Makoto neglected him. No, their dating life was almost exactly the same as their life had always been. But Haru didn’t want things to be like they’d always been. He wanted to feel love, give love, and do all that embarrassing stuff he’d never understood before falling in love with Makoto. If only he weren’t too embarrassed or too shy to ask for it himself. His whole life, Makoto had known exactly what he was thinking before he had to say anything. But Haru was quickly learning that relationships were _very_ complicated, and Makoto wouldn’t always know what he was thinking.

By the time Haru stopped the spiralling thoughts in his head, the bathwater had gotten cold. Towelling himself off, Haru catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. It was nearing the summer solstice, and with it, the summer swimming season. Haru spent every day at the pool preparing, and it showed. Though lithe and slim, his muscles were well-defined and gaining a credible amount of bulk. Haru never gained muscle quite as easily as Makoto did, but it was enough for him to feel somewhat proud of his own accomplishments.

Haru wraps a towel around his waist, wandering into the bedroom to find some pajamas. From the living room, Haru can hear the faint sound of Animal Crossing’s 11pm music and Makoto humming along. God, Makoto’s just perfect in every possible way.

A tiny part of Haru’s bravery simmers in the center of his chest – or maybe it’s just the absolute insanity of being in love. Regardless, Haru finally thinks to himself, _fuck it, I’m going to get what I want._

_\-----_

If there was anything in the world Makoto was sure of, it was how much he loved Haru. When he thought back on his entire life up until the present, there was only one constant. Haru had been with him through everything, been through seeing each other at their best, at their worst, and yet were still just as much in love with each other as they had always been.

Yet, Makoto feared Haru would one day realize just how big the world would be. In Iwatobi, it had always been the two of them. When Rin left, when Nagisa transferred, when Ikuya and Asahi moved… it had always been the two of them. When Haru quit the swim team back in middle school, Makoto followed. When Haru wanted to start swimming again in high school, Makoto followed.

Makoto felt he had gone so far in his life because Haru had always been there to keep him steady, to hold him accountable, to be someone that Makoto treasured and wanted to be an equal to. And here they were in the big city, living together in a tiny little apartment on the corner between the community center and the train station. Makoto couldn’t be any happier than this. He lived for everyday life – thrived in being comfortable and being secure and being safe.

It was ironic to him then, that everything Haru did, and everything Haru lived for was the opposite. Haru could never be ordinary. Makoto knew that from the time they were kids; knew that when Haru was winning medals and being written about in local newspapers, even when all Haru would do was shrug it off like he always did. Makoto always knew Haru was special – and he was. Haru had grown from someone who let life happen to him, into someone who took charge of their own life. Haru swam every day to find purpose in what he did, wanted to succeed to push himself farther than he had the day before. And it made Makoto so damn proud of him, he couldn’t imagine what Haru even saw in him.

Because… he was ordinary. He kept his head down at school, taught swimming lessons for pocket money, and played Animal Crossing to pass time. How did he end up with an Olympic level swimmer who by all intents and purposes could have anything he wanted in the world? Makoto sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Maybe it was only a matter of time before Haru got bored of him. What if he was too ordinary? What if he wasn’t enough?

Makoto swallowed hard, glancing anxiously down the hallway. He heard Haru pad slowly from the bathroom into their bedroom, forcing himself to breathe and relax and stop getting way ahead of himself before anything had even happened.

Time rolled over into 11pm, the Resident Services bell chiming the tune Haru had written for Makoto’s little island. Makoto sighed, humming along absently until he heard Haru’s footsteps coming down the hallway.

“Are you ready for bed Haru-AH” Makoto squawked, instinctively dropping his joycons to cover his eyes with his hands. “Haru, where are your clothes?!” Makoto peeked through his fingers, glancing at the closed and curtained window thankfully, before his eyes were drawn back to the gorgeously toned and undeniably _naked_ Haru in front of him.

“It’s not like you haven’t seen me naked before,” Haru says, like it’s no big deal. But Makoto can see the blush creeping down Haru’s neck. Haru may not say everything he’s thinking, but Makoto has always been able to read between all his lines.

Dumbfounded, Makoto lets his hands fall into his lap, “I-I know that… but still… like this…” Makoto knows it’s rude to stare, but _god_ he can’t stop looking at Haru. Not when he looks that captivating, and not when he’s undeniably (and embarrassedly) aroused by the sight of his boyfriend, naked and staring right at him like he’s the whole universe.

Haru frowns, but his eyes are unwavering, soft around the edges, and pleading. “… I want you,” He says.

“W-what?”

“… I want you,” Haru says again, more adamantly this time. His cheeks flush red. “Makoto. I want _you_.”

There’s something about Haru’s tone, the way he says his name, that has absolute chills and thrills running down Makoto’s spine. He swallows hard, trying to think straight, “What did you say?” He says.

Haru blushes, huffing embarrassedly. Makoto likes Haru the most when he’s like this – embarrassed to be vulnerable, but honest because he knows he’s safe. “Makoto. I. Want. You.”

This time, Haru wastes not a moment longer to close the gap between them. Their lips collide, and Makoto gasps back a moan as Haru straddles his lap, his tongue forcefully sliding between Makoto’s lips. “Haru… Mmm…” Makoto breathes, shivering when Haru’s warm hands slide up his torso, practically ripping his shirt right off him.

Haru pulls away, wet lips pressing searing kisses that bruise down Makoto’s neck, nibbling gently at his collarbone. Haru’s eyes have that determined sparkle – the one that has the hair on Makoto’s neck raised in anticipation. Haru’s hands graze the waistband of his pants, palming at his cock, which strains heavily against the fabric.

God, Haru just has a magical way of making him crazy. “Bedroom,” Haru says, nipping the shell of Makoto’s ear as he pushes the fabric of Makoto’s pants down his thighs.

“Mhm,” Makoto breathes in agreement.

\-----

It’s a little bit past 8am when Makoto wakes up. The sun pokes through the windows, and the bite of summer air tickles Makoto’s lungs. Makoto yawns, prying open his eyes, letting his face snuggle into the space between Haru’s shoulders. He inhales deeply, breathing in the scent of Haru’s skin – a distinct and familiar scent of chlorine and convenience store soap.

“You’re awake,” Haru says, rolling over.

Makoto smiles warmly, “You got me.”

Haru says nothing, blinking the sleep vaguely from his eyes. But Makoto has always seen him for everything that he is, even when he doesn’t think he’s saying anything at all. “So… Do you want to talk?” Makoto asks. He threads his fingers through Haru’s hair, letting his lips linger just a hair away. Haru’s skin bristles with goosebumps.

“About what?” Haru replies stubbornly.

Makoto tucks his legs between Haru’s own, skin on skin, and a reminder that their clothes are all lost somewhere on the floor. “Haru-chan, I’ve known you since we’ve been able to walk. I know something’s on your mind.”

“Lay off the -chan already.” Haru grumbles, but he resigns. His face is soft, his expression open in a way Makoto hasn’t quite seen before. For years, he’s seen Haru slowly tease his way out of the shell he forced himself into back in their middle school days. But the Haru he sees right now… is different.

Makoto’s heart races.

“I want… I want more.”

“More?” Makoto swallows hard. Suddenly his brain is spinning out, until he’s all but shooting steam out his ears. The words tumble out before he really thinks about what he’s saying. “I-I know I’m not like Rin. Or Ikuya. Or Asahi. Or… or… I don’t know,” he fumbles. “I’m ordinary, and I’m _boring,_ and I’m not like you guys. I don’t seek out competition. I don’t want to be the best of the best. And I’m okay with that. But if you… if you need more… If I can’t make you happy…” His throat clenches tightly, “I’ll… I’ll…”

Haru’s eyes blaze blue, flickering in surprise before his hands are cupped around Makoto’s face and piercing blue eyes are staring into his soul like it’s made of glass. “That’s not what I meant,” Haru says – sincerely, honestly. “Do you really think you’re not enough for me?”

Makoto feels tears press hotly against the back of his eyes, and he blinks furiously. “Haru… You’re amazing. In every possible way. How could I ever be good enough for you?”

Haru’s expression is puzzled, then surprised, and then tender. “You’ve always been good enough for me. When I’m with you… I feel like I can do anything.” And that’s when Haru really feels it – deep inside his chest, that it cracks open and every little bit of what he’s been holding back inside is finally coming to the surface.

He loves Makoto. He has always loved Makoto. But he never knows what to say, or how to say it. And he hates to think that Makoto didn’t see himself as special, didn’t make him feel _good enough_ to be worthy of Haru’s love; because he’d never said it.

“Every day I want more of you. I think I love you more every day it drives me crazy,” Haru says. “The kind of love that makes me want to do things I’d never thought I’d want. Because I want more… I want more with you every day.”

Now Makoto’s tears are _really_ falling down his face and he’s hiccupping back little cries. “R-really?” Makoto says, mystified.

“I’m… not good at being honest about how I feel,” Haru says. He wipes the tears from Makoto’s cheeks with the pad of his thumb, “But… I never want you to feel like you’re not enough. So next time you feel that way… you can tell me, okay?”

Makoto nods meekly, letting his body sink into Haru’s embrace as Haru’s arms pull him in close. “I love you,” Haru says. “It’s always been you.”

Makoto holds on just a little bit tighter, clinging on to those words until all his fears melt away. “I love you too Haru-chan.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this sweet little fic! Cally, especially to you, I hope it was able to brighten your day, even just a little bit!
> 
> As always, I'd be so happy to receive kudos/comments, as they do mean a lot to me! Follow me @kawaiisumi on twitter for more! :)


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